Bringing Back Family

Using mealtimes to create connections

My daddy was a farmer. He worked from early in the morning until into the evening. Every night at six o’clock he would come home to enjoy supper with his family before going back to the barn to let the cows out to pasture for the night.

What happy times those were! We had to eat whatever Mom prepared. We didn’t pick up a fork until she sat down. And then, oh, the great conversations we had. Suppertime was our opportunity to tell Daddy the news of our day, to share report cards, to talk about homework we had to finish. Sometimes we just compared stories of Mom and Dad’s growing up years to what was happening in our current lives. We laughed and told jokes and bickered about whose adventures were the bravest or wildest.

Having family all together for the evening meal became important to me. It is also important to my husband. That’s why we established the same habit when we were raising our children. Life was much busier, more hurried, then than it was back on the farm. We still maintained that having meals together is significant and worth working at making it happen. At least as often as we could.

Today our kids are grown. Our boys live in different states. In 2016, Bob and I moved to a new state to be close to our daughter and her family. We are only fifteen minutes away! My dream of being “hands on” grandparents has come true. Our daughter and son-in-law are homeschooling their six children. Part of their schedule includes gathering for dinner with us (Grams and Grandad) on the second Friday of every month. How I love those Fridays!

Family relationships are so essential to our lives. They are also the relationships we can so easily take for granted. That’s one reason I believe family mealtimes are necessary. And I don’t mean just you and your kids. What other family lives near you? Siblings? Cousins? Parents? Close family friends? Invite them over! I know they will be excited to be included.

Here are some ways to make your family mealtimes a great success.

Do it with purpose. Gathering family together for meals is not always as simple as it sounds. You have to make a plan and plan to make it happen. Pick a day and time when everyone is free and stick to it. Write it on your calendar in ink. Don’t worry if you can’t do it as often as you would like at first. It will soon become a tradition and no one will want to miss out.

Make your family mealtime as comfortable and stress-free as you need to. Or make it an event. I love themes and place cards and all the extras. I might serve a homemade Chinese meal, or an all Italian dinner, or celebrate the nearest holiday or have a back to school party. But sandwiches and chips or pizza served on paper plates works just as well. The focus is on the purpose of gathering together – to bond as family.

Create Connection. Every person wants to feel a sense of connection to others, especially to family. That connection strengthens relationships and helps to make our lives feel more meaningful. From the youngest up, I want everyone sitting at my table to feel as important as I think they are. I have a grandson who is allergic to eggs so I have learned how to make eggless dishes for him. I have special drink cups and forks that I know the younger kids like. I purchased a kid sized chair for the littlest one. I like to make side dishes that I know are favorites.

Try to include everyone in the table conversations. Ask open questions and listen to the answers. Ask for others point of view. I find that even the quietest person really has something they would like to say when they are invited to do so. If we are celebrating a birthday, or a holiday, we have questions we ask that anyone can answer. (What are two things you are thankful for? What was your best ever birthday present?)

Nourish bodies and nourish souls. Cooking and serving a great, nutritious meal is easy enough. We can take family mealtime one step further. One definition of the word nourish is to supply what is necessary for life, health and growth; to strengthen or build up.

Expressing your love to others, letting them know how you treasure and appreciate them, can make a huge difference in their lives. “Serving” kind and encouraging words are as much a part of a successful gathering as the meal itself. This is a perfect time to remind them of God’s love by modeling it. Don’t merely “say grace”, take an additional moment to pray sincerely for those seated around your table.

My daddy died from cancer when he was only 43. I am so grateful for those suppertime memories he left me with. They shaped my life in many ways. I hope you will make a plan to begin a great habit of family gatherings around your dining table. I’d love to hear all about it.

Now I have to go and plan for next Friday, our family Valentine’s dinner!