Handling Life's Frustrations with Grace and Strength

There was a day where I spent 20 minutes trying to remove a roll of duct tape from my son’s arm. He had shoved his hand through the center of the cardboard circle and got it all the way above his elbow before he made a startling discovery - it wouldn’t go back down. His upper arm began to turn purple. He began to feel tingling in his fingers. It took about a ¼ cup of olive oil and the pulling power of myself and my older son to release his arm from the vise-like grip of the tube.

I think I yelled, “Why did you do that?” But what I meant was, “This is an inconvenient time for you to do something that now requires help from me. I have a busy schedule and saving you from this stunt doesn’t fit in.”

Before I had children, I considered myself laid back, easy going and I never could quite fathom how folks could get worked up over the tiniest inconveniences. The lens through which I see the world has, of course, changed drastically since becoming a mother and I have found practicing patience more difficult. Perhaps I wasn’t truly a patient person in my pre-motherhood days - I had simply not been tested.

Spending the first 30 minutes of a winter morning arguing with the 5 year old about pants could possibly cause a person to turn red in the face, raise blood pressure several points, and begin planning a solo vacation to Tahiti. This precious boy of mine refused to wear pants over his long underwear. It was 20 degrees outside - it seemed reasonable to me that he wore a layer under his jeans. He, however, was highly offended. It seemed to him that long underwear were, in fact, over his regular underwear and that qualified them as actual pants. He saw no problem with waltzing about in public places with the leggings and tunic look of LulaRoe. Bonus fact, he let me know that the front “pocket” on the long underwear is valuable because it eliminates the need to unzip or pull down anything when he has to use the toilet.

I just stared at him slack-jawed and wondered if there was actually steam coming from my ears or if it was imaginary. I thought to myself that I may literally be going crazy - one pants argument at a time.

Feeling frustrated by the wacky situations that come with raising children is to be expected. I have often gotten the kids hurriedly into bed and then laid on my own bed and let the tears flow. They are tears of frustration with pangs of guilt smacking into me as I review the day and regret all the ways I said not-so-nice words or lashed out in exasperation.

And just as many times, it’s as if I felt the arms of Jesus wrap around me and His voice gently soothes my heart. He tells me I am loved, I am not alone, and He will make all things new. He reminds me that He is my comforter, my helper, and my friend.

“But, Lord,” I say, “I messed up! I’m not the mother I want to be. I lose my temper all the time. My stomach is in knots, I’m on edge, and this is not the way I pictured mothering.”

He confirms that it is indeed sinful to lose my self-control, joy, and peace over the frustrations of daily life. Yet He has called me, as He has called all of His children, to be holy, blameless, acceptable, dedicated to Him, pure, free from the guilt of sin, and renewed in our very souls, and He is working in us to do those things. When I am living in a lukewarm state, not consistently seeking God’s best, or obeying Him wholeheartedly, it remains completely normal for me to respond to disruptions with freakouts. It is Jesus who makes us holy. We give ourselves over to Him and He does the work. We can’t do it out of our own power. He gives us the gift of self-control.

When the testing comes up, He can bring it to our awareness in those heated moments to say to ourselves, “I am feeling frustrated, but I will not yell or scowl at my child right now because Jesus is making my holy. I am free from having to resort to sinful actions. I can choose to smile, discipline my child if necessary, and move forward with grace. Because of how I choose to respond in this moment, I can lay my head down on my pillow tonight and be racked with guilt for my yelling and anger, OR I can be at peace, knowing I’ve set an example of right living for my child. Thank you, Jesus, that you have alerted me to this and I am no longer a slave to sin.”

1 Peter 2:12 says to keep your behavior “excellent”. In Greek, this word is kalos which means beautiful, surpassing, commendable, honorable, and admirable. Wouldn’t we love for our children’s behavior to be described as such? They will learn it from our example. Wouldn’t you like to be known as beautiful, surpassing, commendable, honorable, and admirable? I sure would.

Trials, aggravations, and difficulties are part of life. Our response is a test of how much we are relying on Jesus. Our role is to fully love Him and surrender to His loving plan for our lives. He knows how to build all those desirable qualities into us. Mama, make Him your best friend and He will hold you and walk you through life’s frustrations with His grace and strength.

Scriptures for further study on holiness:

• Romans 12:1

• 1 Corinthians 1:2

• Ephesians 1:4

• 1 Thessalonians 4:7

• 2 Timothy 1:9

• Hebrews 2:11

• Hebrews 10:14

• Hebrews 12:14

• 1 Peter 1:15-16