Loss Part 2

Even when grief overwhelms, God is trustworthy.

My best childhood friend visited me two summers ago. She and her young son drove over 1100 miles to vacation with me and my family. It was a wonderful week - we reminisced, laughed, stayed overnight in an ideal beach resort, sauntered through the botanical gardens, watched movies, and stayed up late talking and laughing just like we used to do as young girls. It was fun to catch up, and easy too, as if we had not had that 14 year gap between visits.

But the day she left my house to journey home, I cried. I cried and hugged her and cried some more, and long after her car had disappeared from sight, I continued to cry. Fourteen years earlier I had cried when we each moved away from our hometown to different states. I knew the likelihood of our friendship continuing to be close was slim. I had grieved the friendship at that time, and I grieved it all over again the day she drove away from my home to return to her own.

There have been other friendships I’ve grieved due to out of state moves. I’ve grieved the loss of all our furniture and belongings in between moves when our storage unit flooded and we had no insurance. I grieved when each of my grandparents died, as well as when my husband’s grandmother passed away. I grieved when my toe was severed in an accident and it became clear that my days as a ballet dancer were over.

It’s easy to feel sorry for ourselves when we lose something or someone we love. It seems simple to decide that life is hard and sad and maybe not even worth living. The pain comes and we buckle under the weight of it.

I was significantly broken-hearted when I suffered a miscarriage for the first time. I could not believe that the tiny human growing inside me was gone without giving me a chance to meet him or her. That same grief and heartache overwhelmed me three more times as I miscarried Simon, Yasmin, and one more we never named.

In the midst of those suffocating moments, you can’t remember what it’s like to breathe easy. But God hasn't forgotten, nor has He turned His eyes away. All the trials and losses remind us of how much we need God. We were created to need Him. Our purpose is to bask in the wonder of belonging to the best provider, protector, and lover in the universe.

According to James 1:1-4, facing trials can be positive because we have the opportunity to grow from walking through them. We grow by paying attention to the blessings in disguise, and the ways God shows up. It’s difficult to do because, in the middle of the bitter moments, all we can see or feel is our pain. We can choose to obey His command, “Do not be anxious for anything…” Our emotions may not match our actions at first when we are choosing to obey God and trust Him in spite of our circumstances.

Did you know that God rewards us for not giving up? For remaining steadfast under trial? He has promised us a crown, a crown of life, a glorious life, once we have endured the test. (James 1:12) Even when we don’t know what to do, we can’t give up! We will suffer in this life, but we will not be crushed. (2 Corinthians 4:8) If we keep the perspective that everything we are going through will pass, we can more readily resolve to not lose heart. Everything we see and know about this earthly life will waste away. When we feel as though we have been trampled by the hardships of this world, it is helpful to be reminded of the pleasures coming in eternity. The suffering we experience here on earth in this lifetime cannot be compared to the glory that we as believers anticipate.

Philippians 3:8 teaches us that nothing is as valuable as knowing Christ. The sting of dashed hopes and dreams becomes a brief inconvenience in light of eternity. The bitter taste of death is turned sweet when we wholeheartedly believe that God gives and takes away as a means of deconstructing our sense of control. Though agonizing, what results is a beautiful metamorphosis of our hearts and souls.

God is completely trustworthy during this process. He does not cause devastation; bad things happen as a result of a sinful world. He listens with tenderness and compassion as we pour out our complaints to Him.

Isaiah 55:8-9 says, “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are your ways My ways,’ says the Lord. ‘For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts’” We may not always understand, agree with, or feel happy about dealing with loss and grief in our lives. But what God promises is that He will ultimately work all things for good for those who love Him. Once we have walked with Him and experienced His great love and faithfulness, our perspective changes. Let us lay down the grief and pick up His promises. It’s worth it!

What are some of the ways you’ve seen God show up in your hardest moments of loss? I’d love to hear from you!