Relationships and Fascinations

Is there really a proven technique for helping your kids gain wisdom? There is, and it's as natural as going about your daily routine.

My kids used to be bright-eyed enthusiasts. They would stay up late into the night reading. Their cheeks were rosy from hours of sunshine, and they smiled as they picked up ladybugs and mushrooms from the yard. One day I noticed how apathetic they appeared. Suddenly no amount of coaxing or bribery could get them to pick up a book. What happened? 

I had sent them to school. 

In school, they had no free time to explore what they cared about. It was hurry, hurry all the time. Get up! The bus will be here any second! Then they’d be gone for NINE hours. NINE!!! That’s a long day. Then they’d come home and have an hour or more of homework. Then dinner, chores, bath, and bed. They had no time to play, imagine, or be with friends. They were stressed out, exhausted, and uninterested. We lasted the year and then I pulled them out. Our old way was a lot more fun. 

It’s been three years since we returned to homeschooling. In that time we have bonded substantially as a family, conquered many fears, and discovered the abundance of God’s creation. The kids’ cheeks are rosy once again. 

And in the past three years, I have made numerous observations about education in general, as well as families and how they operate. My conclusion is that there really is no single correct way to home educate; each family and student is unique. 

But I do believe there are two components that all successful homeschoolers share, and these are what sets them apart from traditionally schooled students: 1) healthy relationships with adults, and 2) pursuing fascinations. 

Healthy Relationships with Adults

Knowing God and His Word gives us wisdom for our lives. We want our kids to be wise too. The Bible tells us to talk with our kids about God’s Word all the time - at home, while traveling, in the nighttime, and when getting up in the morning. The proven, Biblical technique for how children become wise is spending time around wise people. That means you! You, Mama, are the wise person from whom your child will glean wisdom for life. A child needs to spend time with their mom, but also with both parents (as well as other trusted adults) as these adults go about normal life doing normal adult things. Our culture tends to place greater value on separating children from adults. Schools, churches, sports, the entertainment industry, and other entities all participate in this separation idea. Of course children need time to play, and to play with their peers, but often the separate kids’ world is one where children are free to indulge in foolish and impulsive behavior. And the kid-free adult world leaves adults free to indulge in foolish and impulsive behavior. This is not the lifestyle God has in mind for us.

One of the ways that allows you more time to influence your child with your lifestyle is by homeschooling! They will not be away from you so many hours in the day anymore. Children need to watch how you respond to the rude store clerk, your customers, friends, neighbors. They need to see how to run a household or work on a construction site. Maybe you can’t actually bring your child to work, but they need to be invited into your life as much as possible. You being the best you is education. They need to have enough time around adults to observe the overcoming of struggle, to see you apologize when you were wrong or arrogant. This is training them in character and preparing them for living a life full of wisdom. 

Pursuing Fascinations

Have you ever encountered an idea or a situation that stirred something deep in your soul? That made you weep, or laugh, or angry, or want to stay up late into the night? That you couldn’t stop thinking about? 

As a part of their nature, kids will often experience this type of emotional explosion. However, they do not have the cognitive skills to verbalize what’s going on inside them. 

They learn to quench that rise of passion because it’s not received well. If a child spends too much time on a hobby or any one activity, we fear they will not finish their homework or be well-rounded enough. If they cry or laugh too much, they get scolded. Teenagers are told to be realistic, and we want to make sure they absorb how miserable life is because we are supposed to be trying to prepare them for the shock of harsh reality.  

Actually, spending time learning about what fascinates you is what makes you come alive. Experience has proven that those who grow up full of life and gladness are the ones who are the most helpful and kind and satisfied. 

Not only does pursuing what fascinates you make you an interesting person full of positive character, but colleges are extremely interested in young people who care deeply about something. Anything. They want students who will engage, be enthusiastic, and move forward with purpose. 

I’m sure you know that what fascinates a kid this week will be considered boring next week. That is perfectly ok. It is rare for a child to stick to a career in the same field by which they were fascinated at 7 years old. But they are learning. That’s the point! We want them to learn and to love it. If we can get them to believe learning is fun, and they feel a sense of coming alive while learning, they’ll never stop. They’ll become lifelong learners and they will be able to grasp any new material they need for their future jobs or in other areas of life. 

So go ahead and let them collect objects when you’re on a nature walk. Let them pick out  their own library books about any subject they choose. Find them a class or lecture or documentary about the odd thing you don’t care about at all. Let them ask questions and help them find answers. Even better, find them a person who is an expert in that field and set up a meeting! (See above about spending time around adults!) 

I firmly believe enthusiasm for God’s Word and His world will grow into wisdom over time as we consistently pour into our children. Thankfully, God has provided homeschooling as an excellent conduit to live a beautiful life, moving ever forward in wisdom.

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