So Many Questions!

Watching my kids become life-long learners has been one of my favorite things about motherhood.

Do you have a little one who asks lots of questions? At first it’s cute, but eventually you might find yourself exclaiming, “You’re driving me up the wall with this non stop pestering!!”

When my first child was small, he incessantly asked questions. His curiosity was insatiable. It made me nuts and I would often scold him to be quiet. When he was three, I began babysitting two other little boys around the same age. The number of questions I received per day tripled. It seemed like the more I answered, the more they asked! It was time consuming, and some of the questions did not have an easy reply. I quickly realized there was no stopping their voracious appetites to know how the world works.

Maybe you’ve experienced the scenario, perhaps in a classroom setting, where it’s “uncool” to ask questions. Some young people learn this early on, especially at school, and seem willing to live in ignorance rather than draw attention to themselves by raising their hand. They don’t want to be that annoying student. Most of us have known someone who is a “know-it-all” and won’t allow himself to be corrected. That is simply stubbornness and pride. I didn’t want my kid to be one who annoys others, either by trying to gain knowledge or by pretending he already knew everything. I also didn’t want my son and the other little boys to stop inquiries altogether, thereby squelching any eagerness to learn. I decided it would be best to encourage them to ask their questions in a different way.

As a disclaimer, the solution I’m about to mention is not entirely my invention. I read this as a tip somewhere, but over 14 years have passed since I first put it into action, and I cannot remember the originator and therefore cannot give him or her due credit. I have tweaked the idea a bit though, and made it my own.

Here’s what I did: I enthusiastically told the boys, “I’m so glad you want to know about all these things! You can ask me anything you want to know more about, as long as you ask them properly.” I went on to explain that there were two main rules about asking questions: 1) you can only ask questions when I’m washing dishes, folding laundry, or driving the car, and 2) you may not ask questions of just anybody.

The first rule was important because it eliminated the endless interrogation when I was in a hurry trying to get out the door in the morning, or when I was in the bathroom and they’d stand there outside the door prattling on and on. They were permitted to stay near me while I performed the afore mentioned tasks and ask away. Sometimes they would even start helping as we talked! This rule prompted me to prepare my heart and mind to be patient. I knew they’d start asking about the moon or why a giraffe has such a long neck or why the next door neighbor looks the way he does as soon as we’d get in the car, so getting behind the wheel was my cue to mentally gear up. Notice I did not place a limit on how many questions or the extent of the questioning. I did, however, require that they not be silly or thoughtless. They had to really think about what they were asking before they said it and not waste their question time with worthless impulses.

The second rule was important because my child was the type who would walk up to literally anyone in any public setting and ask them the most ridiculous and embarrassing questions. It also helped the kids to learn not to interrupt when I was interacting with a banker or cashier or another adult.

Of course, we as moms have all the answers to all the questions, right? I mean, we are MAMA. We’re their world and see all and know all. Just kidding! Most of the time I had no idea what my kid was even saying. He once asked my husband's coworker if she knew what a siphonophore was. She looked at me and I looked at her and we both just shrugged. Well, my son went on to explain to both of us that it was some sort of sea creature similar to a jellyfish, but my point is that it isn’t always delightful to have to admit your brain does not carry a rebuttal for every query. And some children may be inclined to obsess over one topic. I have found the kids to be quite responsive if I say something like, “Well, I’m not sure. Let’s look that up together,” rather than getting frustrated and screaming, “Stop badgering me!”

For most kids, especially the younger crowd, it’s better to give simple answers and generalizations. Full explanations will definitely burn Mama out quickly, and you can still continue to encourage the truth-seeker with your good attitude.

As they got older and learned to read, I also found that teaching my kids how to use the library helped tremendously. They can choose their own books on any subject that interests them (with my approval) and read to their heart’s content. Let the books answer all those questions!

This is lighting a fire under them and letting that curiosity burn. This is teaching them how to think and how to find the material they need, rather than spoon-feeding, so to speak. It’s our privilege and our responsibility to shape the hearts and minds of our children by training them to ask the right kinds of questions in the appropriate manner. It was definitely worth the time and effort to look into their little faces and smile and feed that need to know. I see how it was worth it now that I have teenagers. They are so smart and capable and know how to find the information they need when they need it. They are life-long learners and it warms my heart to watch them be creative and lovingly share their knowledge with others. This is homeschooling!